I’d like to second Predator.

Last night, I watched the DVD of Pride, an “inspired by true events” sports flick that had an amazingly short theatrical run. Because it’s pretty crappy. In fact, there’s only two whole reasons to watch Pride:

• One is Terrence Howard’s great performance as Jim Ellis, the janitor-turned-swim-coach who saves a failing neighborhood rec center and a bunch of troubled teens by creating a swimming program. Howard is truly turning into one of the finest character actors around.
• I’d say another 1/2 of a reason is the half-of-a-performance Bernie Mac turns in.
• One more 1/2 of a reason is the swimming action, because underwater camera shots of competitive swimming are just really exciting.

(The two biggest reasons to stay away from Pride are bad, cliche-ridden writing and Tom Arnold (ugh). Nevertheless, I’m a sucker for these types of movies, so I cried anyway when the Philly kids overcame their obstacles and improved their self-esteem through sport.)

I love inspirational sports movies, completely irony-free. So I compiled a list of the Top 10 Inspirational Sports Movies. Behold:

10. The Bad News Bears (1976). The greatest sports misfit movie of all time, hands down. The 2005 Richard Linklater remake ain’t bad either.

9. The Karate Kid (1984). Yes, it’s an awfully dumb film, but ‘Sweep the leg!” has become a battle cry for cripsters. I’d say The Karate Kid is Generation X&Y’s The Natural. The Karate Kid Part II deserves a nod, too, because of its outlandish final fight scene. Way better than Rudy.

8. Blood of Heroes (1989). My genre schlock entry for this list is a Rutger Hauer classic about a post-apocalyptic American Gladiator-esque sport in which Joan Chen gets to bite the ear off of one of her competitors. Other strong schlock contendors: Rollerball (1975) and Bloodsport (1988).

7. Glory Road (2006). Glory Road is not a subtle film, but its source material is so astonishing that the film justifiably hits you like a brick. The story of Texas Western coach Don Haskins coaching the first all-African-American starting lineup to an NCAA National Championship is basketball legend; accordingly, the film makes every moment feel mythic. (Inspired by a true story!) Sorry folks, it’s a better film than Hoosiers.

6. Remember the Titans (2000). This is essentially a big budget after-school special, but it’s hard to argue with Denzel Washington’s performance and the great football action. (Inspired by a true story!) An honorable mention in the “better teamwork through fascist coaching” category is Coach Carter (2005) (also inspired by a true story!).

5. Hoop Dreams (1994). Documentary! Profoundly awesome.

4. The Rocky movies (1976 – ?). Pick a Rocky, any Rocky.

3. Miracle (2004). Another sports legend: the 1980 US Olympic hockey team’s triumph over unbeatable Russia. It’s Kurt Russell’s finest movie hair. And I can’t help but be charmed by the Disney-style history lesson throughout. It’s great. (Inspired by a true story!)

2. Breaking Away (1979). Breaking Away achieves gut-munching levels of inspiration in its combo of coming-of-age goodness and cycling love. One of my all-time favorite everythings. The same filmmaker made the Kevin Costner cyclefest American Flyers (1985), which isn’t a good film, but deserves a mention ’cause there’s a scene where a dude runs up the Morgul Bismarck carrying a bike and another where Rae Dawn Chong gives an inspirational speech about a rock.

1. Searching for Bobby Fischer (1993). I know, I know…. this isn’t actually a sports film at all. It’s about little genius kids who play chess. But every minute of Searching for Bobby Fischer resonates with great sports film moves; it’s epic AND moving AND funny; it’s got breathtaking chess action; it’s got Joan Allen as the coolest sports mom EVER; and it’s inspired by a true story!

So there you have it. I know I should probably have A League of their Own on this list, but it’s got Tom Hanks in it. “What about Chariots of Fire?’ you might ask. It’s boring! How about The Hustler and The Color of Money? They’re too cool for sports movies. What about gonzo hockey Slap Shot? Well, shoot, that actually deserved to be on my list.

Sorry, Slap Shot!