Culturegeeks

Time to rewrite marriage laws to conform to the Good Book.

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man’s right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother’s widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)

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Michael Jackson converts to Islam.

I love how they explain how everything works for the kids who haven’t been allowed to play the secular guitar hero.

I can’t believe they couldn’t even get this out on any console.  I can totally see the family gathering around the family computer to rock their fucking socks off.

Remember John Hagee, the evangelical preacher whose endorsement McCain had to back away from after Hagee mentioned that “the Holocaust was part of God’s plan for the Jews“? Apparently now he’s set his sights on the likes of you, David:

For others it’s laziness, you’re too lazy to work and support your children. I’m talking about men. You call yourself Mr. Mom, God calls you a bum. St. Paul says you are worse than an infidel. Let me look you right in the eye and tell you that Hell is your future home if all you do is sit on your backside and let your wife support you in your life.

Someone should lock him in the house with a colicky baby or an irrational, inconsolable toddler so he can understand firsthand just how, on certain moments of certain days, Hell is the stay-at-home parent’s current home.

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Learn all about the history of Xenu, spoken by L Ron Hubbard himself.

This should be up all of about 10 minutes before gawker gets sued.

This is one crazy fricking rant! Found on a phone pole in Amherst, Mass. Actually, found on all the phone poles!

Right Here.

Update:  It was apparently some guy who wanted to take on atheists.  Nothing to see here except a whole bunch of mad tweets.

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…in Denver, no less. I think what I’m most surprised at is how exceedingly little thought the Creationists give to their spiel. You’d think that if they were giving tens or hundreds of these tours that at some point they would sit down and do the very math that they’re arguing. I mean, I knew they hated and feared science, but is math anti-god now?

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Apparently we’re not the only ones who have been receiving packages like this recently.